Operation: Stalker
by You'veBeenJayed
Summary: Stan drags Kyle into yet another one of his stupid ideas. Only a slash if you consider it to be, but it's really only meant to be a humorous friendship thing.


**Okay. So here's the first thing I've written since my computer broke down (forever and ever ago). Just a oneshot! But this is based on a true story, just warped a little to make it for South Park. It was hilarious, to say the very least, xD. Enjoy!**

It had to of been the stupidest idea Stan ever had in his entire 16 years of life.

Kyle was embarrassed to even know the name Stan Marsh, nonetheless be partaking in his new grand idea. He felt like an idiot, and he wasn't even the one in 'uniform.'

He leaned against the wall in the empty mall bathroom. Stan was in one of the stalls.

"What's taking so long?" Kyle asked, losing his patience.

"Hold on," Stan replied from inside the stall. "It has to be perfect."

Kyle rolled his eyes. A man walked in with his toddler son and went to the handicapped stall. Before he entered, Stan came out of his own stall. The man did a triple-take before shaking his head, mumbling, and closing the door with his son to help him use the 'potty.'

Kyle took one glance at Stan and started bursting into laughter. After about five minutes of this, he finally called mercy and forced himself to calm down some, still giggling to himself.

He wiped some tears from his eyes. "Dude...you are such an idiot! You look so retarded! And hilarious!"

Stan growled at his friend's laughter and went to the oversized mirror. He had hair extensions to give him a pony-tail, a skirt that went to his knees with tights, and a girlish jacket unzipped at the top to give the lame impression of boobs.

"Eyeliner, really?" Kyle snickered as Stan applied the black make-up to his dark blue eyes.

"Yes, really."

Stan put the make-up and his clothes he came to the mall in into a bag, resembling a large purse. Kyle faintly wondered where he got all this from, but at the same time, he sort of didn't want to know. There was only two choices, after all. His mother or his sister.

Stan spun around with a determined look. "Alright! Time for Operation: Find Wendy and See That Bitch Fail."

"We need to work on that name," Kyle said, following Stan out of the bathroom. "More like Operation: Stalker."

Stan figured it was a good idea to literately stalk his ex girlfriend who was supposed to be on a date with her new boyfriend, from North Park High. Some Hispanic kid apparently. Of course this ex was Wendy. He claimed he was "completely over her." But Kyle knew they wouldn't be here if that was true.

They wandered through the mall for three hours. Kyle was bored out of his mind. Even though it was pretty amusing seeing the old ladies pass by them, staring at Stan like he had three arms. He might as well have. He might've made a pretty handsome boy, but he definitely was not a fitting girl.

"You know, if we actually did run into Wendy, she would recognize me," Kyle reminded him for the hundredth time.

To Stan, it went in one ear and came right out the other. "Yeah, so?"

"You don't look _that_ much different, Stan. To anyone who knows you, they'd see right past the girly disguise. Especially Wendy."

"That's what you think," Stan retorted. "Oh yeah. Don't call me 'Stan.' You remember my name, right?" He winked, but looked like he had an unnatural twitch.

Kyle groaned, running a hand down his face. The stalker idea was stupid, the cross-dressing idea was even stupider, but now Stan had come up with a whole new persona for himself. Kyle thought Stan was a little _too_ into this.

"Yeahyeah... Sabrina."

They stopped by the food court and waited in line for "Sabrina" to get _her_ fries. Stan was making Kyle order them since they knew Clyde worked there, at Chick-Fil-A. He didn't want to take the risk of him recognizing him.

"Hey, there's Craig," Kyle told him in line.

"Oh, no."

Craig walked up to them, looking from Stan to Kyle. He kept a blank, monotonous stare at Stan for the most part of a minute.

Kyle, meanwhile, was finding it increasingly hard to control his laughter.

Stan decided to be brave and come out from trying to hide behind Kyle. He strode up to Craig and shot him what he hoped to be a flirtatious smile, but really only came out as a lop-sided half-grin.

Craig flipped him off and walked away without saying a word.

Stan frowned and blank-faced. Kyle was howling with laughter. Stan was just about to punch him as hard as he could when they both heard the word, "Next," by the person at the cash register.

Kyle, still wearing a huge smile, stepped up in line. Stan hung back a little bit.

"Hey, Kyle. What do you want?" Clyde asked him.

"Medium fries is all," Kyle told him, trying hard to calm down.

Clyde typed it in and nodded. "Got it." He was about to tell the workers in the back about the order, when Stan caught his eye and he swiveled his head back, staring at him. "Hey, Kyle, who's your girl--wait." He leaned over the counter a little and squinted, before laughing. "Stan! What are you...why do you look like that?"

Kyle snickered. "That's not Stan. Her name is Sabrina," he said sarcastically.

Stan huffed, but still tried pulling it off. "Hiii Clyde," he said in a high-pitched voice.

Clyde shook his head and laughed. "And why are you like that?"

Stan put an arm around Kyle. "Didn't you hear? Kyle's, like, my brand new oh-so-perfect, boyfriend!" Kyle ducked away from him.

"Sick, dude! Don't drag me into this!"

"Uh...whatever you say guys." Clyde handed Stan his fries and they walked away.

It got dark sooner than expected and the mall was going to close soon. "We've been here all day and never saw Wendy," Kyle grumbled. "I'm tired, embarrassed, and you keep trying to act like my girlfriend."

Stan laughed when they got outside, moving closer to Kyle, who backed away. "Oh, come on, baby," he whined. "Don't be like that."

Kyle rolled his eyes, smiling. "Shut up, _Sabrina._"

"I guess Wendy and her boyfriend backed out." He shrugged. "Sucks for her. At least my date worked out."

Kyle glanced at him. "What?"

Stan smirked at him. "Our date. Me and you wandering the mall all day, acting like idiots, and having fun. And don't say you didn't have fun,"

"Yeah, it was fun," He looked over Stan. "But next time, don't wear a skirt, please."

"Fine."

**Oh, and some time or another, Stan tried holding Kyle's hand but Kyle backed away because he got weirded out. xD All of this was true. But my friend and I were both girls, and she dressed as a guy and named herself Philip. She looked ridiculous. Got all the clothes from her brother. But it was sooo funny.**

**And, yes, she did try to hold my hand. And we were there to stalk her ex bf who never showed up.**

**But we're not gay. That ending really happened too, but she was just joking. xD**

**Read and review!  
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